For a Real Change!

By now most of the modern world has heard about the tragedy of Amanda Todd. A young British Columbian girl who took her life last Wednesday, as a final escape from the torment others were putting her through. The kind of bullying this poor child had to endure, was awful. She had made some mistakes as a child, unfortunately they had very long lasting effects, her mistakes followed her, because we as a society allowed them to follow her.

In the days of all this cyber bullying you simply can not get away from it. Once a photo or video is out there is is out there for ever.  Even if you personally delete it some one may have already taken a copy. Though there could have been a stop to the torment and bullying. If people stopped "sharing" before they think, maybe this could have been stopped. If we as a society said no! No more, this was something that happened in the past lets move on.

When I was in school the internet was really just starting to catch on. There was nothing like Facebook, closest you got was Myspace. When someone made a mistake you were at times judged and picked on, but the once it got old it usually stopped. If it was so bad that you had to move schools very rarely would it follow you. Now though, simple click and shares, run your torment not just through your personal life but the entire world.

Still even after this poor child has done away with her life to try and get away from this, now her family is having to endure the torture. Every day there are new groups of people, commeters, who are keeping the violence going. Harsh words like "drama queen", "Glad she is dead", "slut", "she deserved it", are still continuing to be said. This is awful and brings tears to my eyes and pain in my heart. I can only begin to imagine what her mother feels reading these words about her lovely baby girl. This needs to stop and there needs to be a real change. It needs to start in the home, in all of our homes.

We need to change our world and our views. We need to not just say " stop bullying" or wear a pink shirt. We need to think, think about our actions. Think about the words we say to our children and each other.

We need to stop judging others where we may have also failed. We need to stop allowing victims to keep being victimized. We need to stop the continual cycle of saying it's okay and that you were justified in what you said.

We need to speak to our children in ways that teach them how to speak to others. We should not abuse our spouses or others around us. We need to model the behavior we want our children to show. If we want our children to use kind words and appropriated language to other then we should use it towards then. Our words need to start showing in our actions. We need to lift up, instead of pull down.

I have been a victim of bullies, school yard bullies and a bullies in my very own home. I know the pain of having someone tell you that the world would be better off if you were dead. I have been hit, threatened, screamed at, and made to feel like nothing is worth living. I have been to the brink of thinking about ending it. It is no a fun or joyous place to be. It is dark and very scary. The physical scar is faded but the one on my heart may never truly heal. I am now in a place where those thought are not permitted in my mind because I know right now what I have to live for, that I matter.

Though for a young child a teenager who is tormented sometimes when enough people make you feel like shit and just keep telling you to die. That looks like a real option. Please change you attitudes, change your words. This does not have to happen anymore. It doesn't matter why they are being bullied, it  NEEDS TO STOP. 

This starts right now with me, and can continue to you. Are you just going to say the words or are you actually going to make a change in this world?

Sharing the milk ~~ My story

Have you heard the saying " Sharing is Caring"? Most of us learned this saying at a very young age, usually even before we start school. While this lovely mantra has been ingrained into our brains, many use it now with a mocking tone. This is unfortunate but sharing something with someone is a wonderful way to show how you care. There are many thing we can share in this world, but what would you say if I said you could share a gift of amazing nutrition with another? Most people would jump at the opportunity to share nutrition with someone, even more so for a baby.  Would you be shocked if I told you that people simply don't do it. They don't share with the babies, at least not many. They used to, but with the medical system we have been scared out of it. I'm talking about breast milk, it is a life supporting freely flowing source that comes out of almost every women, to one extent or another. Some women produce large amounts, some produce less. I was very fortunate to be a women who produced excessive milk. So much milk I needed to pump off for comfort reasons. with my first two I saved the milk. We used some of it eventually, but alot just got old an went into the garbage. This saddened me but I had no idea what to use it for. It was never enough for milk banks, and I felt fundamentally opposed to the sale of my breast milk when I gave it to them for free. About two years ago, I heard about a wonderful Idea I hadn't ever though of, giving the milk to a mom in need!  That way I could give what I had and she could use it, no matter how much or how little I had. This made my heart fill with so much happiness. I at the time didn't have any milk to donate, due to being pregnant, but I loved watching the milky love flow.

Lil Squish at 16 days

After I had lil  Squish once again I had a surplus of milk. So I did what I had been doing with the previous two, I pumped. I didn't pump all that often but I still had a pretty good storage in my freezer.  When Squish was 15 days old my friend had a baby, he ended up being a very big surprise. R was born with Downs Syndrome, He was a tiny little guy that had a whole world to conquer. We soon found out that he had a heart issue and feeding at the breast was exhausting for him, it took too much work and was strenuous. My friend then planned on pumping but between R and his older brother there just never seemed to be enough hours in a day. I spoke with her and asked what their plans were, she expressed frustration to me that she felt like she had no options. They couldn't afford the milk bank but she wan't able to pump. She knew with all his health issue being on breast milk was going to be what would be best but it just seemed like it wouldn't work. I took a deep breathe and offered she all I could. I told her I would give R my milk if she would have it. I really wasn't sure what the response was going to be, we hadn't ever talked about milk sharing before, in any real depth. What was just a few short seconds felt like forever. She said sure, she wanted to clear it with her hubby first but she would be more than happy to accept my gift.I breathed a sigh of relief, because what I was offering was something very unusual to many people After that I also sourced donors for her using the Human Milk 4 Human Babies Facebook groups. 

milky brothers Left is R. right is Squish

Having breast milk turned out to be the greatest gift for R. after surgeries he has recovered much better then he did when he was having formula. His mom said she really noticed a difference in him when he is on breast milk or formula. He would gain weight and maintain better when he was having breastmilk, R would thrive with his momma milk. Time has passed and he is now reaching 18 months and my heart still smile thinking how we were able to help just one little guy. I know that he is doing better due to the nutrition I and several other moms were able to give. Not to mention the money we helped them save :)

This week is the 2nd Annual World MilkSharing Week. It is due to moms reaching out and helping on another that many many many babies have been able to have the nutrition they needed for their start in life. They were able to be fed from another mom when circumstances prevented their own mother from fully providing milk. With full disclosure and trust women are able to share this gift with others all around the world. I think this is truly amazing. There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child, why not use the village to feed the child as well.

Judge me not ~ Love me always

Have you ever been judged harshly for doing what you love? Doing something important? Something you believe in? All of us have been judged in one way or another. It saddens me the way we judge our fellow humans for the choices they make just because they are different from ours. I think what saddens me more is we so very often do it in the name of GOD. People who say they are Christians far too often are some of the most judgmental people I know.

Photo Credit

I love this quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorft of the First Presidency in the LDS Church. 

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!
It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

That was from the April 2012 General Conference. I have found that this simple text seems to have resonated with many people not just of the LDS affiliation. It is simple and to the point. If you are Christian and say you follow the teaching of the Father and Son, then stop hating and judging. 

We all have a place in our lives where we can improve. We all have places where we fail in our day to day lives. We are an imperfect people, there is no perfect person. Anyone who says differently is lying and that there is their sin.

Whatever it is that you don't agree with then don't engage in that activity for yourself. No one is making you gay, black, christian or whatever. That is the beauty of this world we live in. You have a choice! You get to make your choices every single day. You can choose what to eat, what to wear and what to believe. You even in the free world the the freedom to choose what you say. Sometimes what you say will hold consequences for you, because some one will judge you, whether they should or not. Right now even what you put on social media will have repercussions.  

Simply if you claim to be of Christian values, then hold true Christian values. Jesus loved everyone, he hung out with the outcasts, he sat with the poor and wealthy alike. If you follow his teachings then truly follow them. Stop judging others because they hold different values than you. 

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. ... Luke 16:27-36

 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”   John 13:34-35

A few simple verses from the Bible where Christian get their teachings from. I don't care to hear about how there is scriptural verse against whatever sin you are against because first and foremost we are instructed to love. With the same unconditional love that given to just by Heavenly Father and Jesus. The sin is to be judged at the end of days. Now you can live your life with standards and if you chose to not have certain people in your life that is your choice but you still can love them and treat them with respect. I choose to keep people in my life who enrich my life. Their affiliations whether sexual or religious do not need to matter, it is the person I see. If they are good people who stand up and live their lives with integrity and decency, who they go to bed with or what God they believe in or don't is not how I chose my friends. I don't interview every person I meet before I decide if I will be nice to them. I try not to pass judgement on someone before I smile and say hello. I do fail at this sometimes but the point is I try to emulate the teachings that I believe in.

I am for LOVE ALWAYS!

I am for FREEDOM!

Some Days I Severely Dislike Facebook

I have a major love/hate relationship with facebook. I love it for keeping connected and reconnecting with people. I can share photos with friends and family and chat with people without running up my phone bill. Facebook has allowed me to connect with people and stay in contact with others who I may have not seen again. Facebook is wonderful for these things and it has many good aspects of it, though there are some downfalls.

On Facebook is so easy to misunderstand people. In person it is much easier to understand tone and intent when you can actually hear a persons voice and often you will choose your word better. A lot of people use Facebook to hide behind they are all abrasive and forward, and say things they never would in person. Sometimes this is a good thing most times it is a bad thing. If you wouldn't normally say something to someone then just don't say it. Remember the good old advice from Thumper's dad. " If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I know sometimes that advice is super hard to follow. Sometimes you don't even say something intending to be mean and others interpret it as mean. Facebook can be a wonderful place for DRAMA, and I hate to say it but it is worse among us females. We have a whole new method of being catty and mean with Facebook. We message each other and talk about others. Sometimes it is speculation that they are talking about you other times you just know they are talking about you. We play little games and tags ourselves out with our friends, sometimes knowing that the person we left out is going to see and feel jealous. Facebook has given people a super easy way to bully, heck you don't even have to get dressed to make someone's life miserable.

Bullying aside, the drama that one can create on Facebook is just silly. I had seen a really funny meme the other day but I can't find it now. Which said " Quitting Facebook is just like running away from home, you know you'll be back!" It is so true, on a regualr basis I see people. They get all fired up and mad about something and want attention so they post saying that they are leaving Facebook. Their friends then tell them that Facebook wouldn't be the same, they are so sad to see them go and yada yada yada. If they leave they never leave for long, at least in my experience. It's drama plain and simple. Someone want to feel like they matter and for some if no one posts after they have had their status up, they simply delete it and post something else whiny. Sometimes it's not outwardly whiny though some times it is totally passive aggressive. Just pointed enough that the knowing party in which it is intended for will know what you are talking about, but no one else will.  Or even better people can ask you what is up and you can hash out your poor side of the story, playing even more of the victim.

Now don't get me wrong I'm all for passive aggressive behavior at time but when it is all the time it is annoying. Sometimes you need to be a bit subtle and underhanded with some people in order to get the message across, or to just make someone feel like crap. There are people who sometimes need to be taken down a peg or five.

I recently got to be in the middle one one of these Facebook girl fights and not just a bystander like normal. It really was silly I said something, and people didn't like the way I said it even though they agreed with me.  o_O I know sometimes people just want to pick fights. The girl I pretty much told to "own her issues and if it was important she would make it work" freaked out. Swore at me and just lost it. There life went a little high school from there with other girls cutting me down ( even thought they "agreed" with me ) Some standing up for me. the banter went back and forth for an hour or so and then it fizzled out. Only to be brought to life again on a totally unrelated topic. Well poop hit the fan and things were said, feeling were hurt, people got mad. One person left the group in the heat of the moment and all seemed to calm. The next day everything was revived by a certain offended person saying that maybe things weren't right for them and blah blah blah. They said they would leave in 48 hours and that you could say what you wanted to to them. o_O Once again attention seeking.. If you are leaving say goodbye and leave. don't stay around asking for people to be sad you are going say your piece and leave, that is if you are really done and not just looking for attention. Ugh I'm getting too old for this.

So in final bit. Please stop the Facebook drama. Talk to real people. Go outside and if someone says something that upsets you go to that person don't make a big deal over it. Have some tact and decency!