I know there are places where I fail as a mom. I'm not a perfect parents no one is, and if someone tells you different they are lying. There are places where I fail and there are places where some think I am over the top and crazy. I try my best and do what I feel is best for my children. I do what I can to keep them healthy safe, and happy. This is my job. Now I'm not always the most fun and exciting mom in the world. I'm not always patient and loving, I have my moments, don't we all?
Some people think I am a bad mom because I am a free range parent. I allow my children to explore their world most of the time and express their independence. I let my children do a lot of things for themselves. Somethings an onlooker could perceive this as me not paying attention to my children or not caring about them. This is completely untrue, but I have experienced it nonetheless. I'm not a bad mom for allowing my child to experience and explore their environment. I have three children I simply can not hover over them all every second. I have to trust my children, and know that they will follow the rules. Not surprising that in general they have been very good about their behavior when they know what is expected and trusted.
Now I have been given the bad mom look for many different things.
- homeschooling
- giving my children candy or treats
- not giving my children candy or treats
- allowing the baby to climb on park structures
- for confining the baby to the carrier
- allowing my children to be free in the park and out of arms reach, particularly the baby.
- having all my children in 5 pt carseats and the baby still rear facing
- for having switched Bug to forward facing at a year
If you can see my point it doesn't matter what I do someone is going to give me that look of disgust. I can't win, there is no point in trying to win. The mommy wars are harsh,really harsh. Now there are some things that people do that I don't agree with. I have judged but I try not to be a jerk about it. I believe that many people make silly choices due to being uneducated, so sometimes I feel compelled to share some education with them if the still choose to make silly choices then it's their choice. But hey lets get a little more love going around and if some one does something you don't agree with then well move on. If it is a deal breaker for a friend ship then own your own issues, it's not their fault, it's yours. You are making the choice to hate someone for their choices. You don't have to agree with everyone but you don't have to be a jerk about it either.
Have you ever felt like you were a bad mom? How have you been judged?
this is really great. i do judge other parents at times but i feel it's usually justified: like at the park when one of the kids kicks my toddler in the throat and their parent pretends they don't notice because they are on their iphone. (yes, i saw them avert their eyes). or when i see a child that has been crying "im hungry, mama!" in target and i pass them several times over say an hour and their cries of hunger only garner threats ; ) there are those times. but in general i think our parenting styles also reflect the needs of our kids and all kids, all human are different! what works for me doesn't work for someone else. in fact what works for me one minute might not work for me the next! and, yes, talking about things sometimes solidifies that you feel good about what you are doing, other times it makes me think about changing my ways. dialog is great, judgment not so much. great post!
ReplyDeleteI think that you are certainly doing what is best interest for your child so just ignore all those judgment and naysayers. I too only judge other parents when they or their kid infringe on my kids space and they are not doing anything to discipline their own kid
ReplyDeleteI think every parent gets those looks no matter what you do. Someone will always disagree in some way unfortunately. You just have to learn to brush it off and tell yourself you're doing the best you can. Great post.
ReplyDeleteThe tale of a bad mom, right, I can relate to that. Being a first time mom, I tried hard to be somewhat perfect for my son and I felt guilty every time other people would leave a bad comment on how I do my parenting job. Some would even joke around saying, "Did mommy make you cry again?"
ReplyDeleteGone are those days now, at least, somehow, the guilt lessened and I know how to respond to those people now. It's true what DelSheree said. You are one great mom Aliy!
I get the stares at the park all the time! My 21 month old has no fear and I let him roll with it, knowing he can accomplish most of the activities he is attempting. Of course everyone else at the park doesn't know this and the looks are disturbing. It doesn't help that he is small for his age so I'm sure they are thinking he's much younger. But frankly I just brush them off. My kid, not yours!
ReplyDeleteI have my moments. I think back to my mom and whether my memory be good or bad - I love her no matter what. I know she did her best. I try MY best. I know that I make mistakes along the way... I am a first time mom with a lot to learn - thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThe hardest thing for me to give up, is being judgmental of people who are judgmental.
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